I can do this

I have sat in front of this screen a few times now. "What do I write? I dont know how to write. I'll do it later."

I am not good at this.

I think and feel and express so much but have never been useful with words. I failed my English class in high school because I didnt know how to write a good enough paper for the teacher.

I am not good at this.

I've been telling myself that for as long as I can remember. And about more things then writting. One thing I am learning is that yes, I may not be good at 'this' whatever 'this' is at the moment, but once I take that step I can get better. Better at riding a bike, better with my shyness on the first day of a new school, at driving a car, at my job, at my relationship with people, my relationship with God.

When I started taking classes six years ago for my cna certification I was scared to death. I started it and kept saying "I can not do this. This is really hard. I suck at test taking, what if I fail the main test?" I threw up the whole night before my test. Literally worried myself sick. After I took the test I wasn't sure how I did. I knew I passed the hands on part (because that is how I learn) but I really thought I may have failed the written exam. I got my letter saying I passed and was so relieved. But the next hurdle I had to jump was getting a job and doing well.

Looking back, I realize I have a gift at this. It runs in my family. We know how to care for people. I am good at this.

There have been a lot of changes in my life. Some good, some bad. But with certain things I can tell myself now that I 'am' good at this. So I know I may have my doubts about writing but only me trying will I know if oneday I can say that I am good at this too.