Be Still

     "Seek God's will in all you do, and He will show you the path to take"  Proverbs 3:6


Tonight I sat down, eyes barely staying open from the exhaustion of orientation all week. Today was my last day! But even though I am so ready for bed I have so much on my mind tonight, so much on my heart. I wouldn't even know how to say it all.

I sat here and read all my old blogs (there were only three old ones lol) that I wrote exactly a year ago.

One year.

Have I really been that busy that I haven't written in a whole year. I looked at the dates of these blogs and it took me back to a totally different girl. A totally different time. I had come so far from the year before that. I thought I was doing so great, and I was. But to look back on yet another year and see the differences again, I know that girl in 2012 would not have believed I'd be where I am right now.
Not really any farther along like I had hoped but yet way more mature.

Eyes more open.

Spirit more free.

One thing that stood out first to me was thinking so strongly that a certain friendship had been bad for me. At that time it may have been. But it wasn't her that was bad. I was also bad for her at this point in our lives. I wasn't moving forward, she wasn't moving forward. At the time I wrote that blog I had no idea that in 4 months I would be reunited with this young lady. A 9 year friendship with a 15 month break. A break that we both needed so much.

I found myself. I grew. So did she.

Once we started talking, It was like we had never stopped. I realized at that time a friendship I thought was gone, was only on vacation to benefit us. Sometimes we do not listen to God when He is telling us something. So He intervened. We were separated for a reason. And now brought back into each others lives for a reason. And for that I am thankful.

She has moved away. Has an amazing boyfriend that compliments her. Met new people. Changed.

Same with me. God brought people into my life that I needed. I met new people. I changed. And now there is a maturity in us. Now we can actually be friends and we have left our old ways behind us.

When reading those blogs and seeing where I was and where I am now, some things stick out to me. I now have stopped 'planning' my life. It's every move. I have stopped, and still am trying to stop, asking God for direction and then not listening to Him and mapping out my own plan. It's hard to go from being a control freak to giving all your power over to God and following Him. It takes work daily. But it's so rewarding.

I was so so excited for New Years Eve. It would be the last day of  2012. A year I don't want to remember certain parts of and a year that I had some of the best memories ever. From an old friendship becoming new, new memories with other friends, a precious baby boy being born and then shortly after, watching his mother graduate college. Puerto Rico. A family vacation. Being apart of a friends beautiful wedding. Memories that I will cherish forever. But I was ready to see the calender on my phone change over to 01/01/2013.

I had a plan.

A plan to make a change and to make this the best year ever. To actually 'do' what I have always said I would do in the past. Then the first two weeks did not go as planned.

My sister texted me to let me know Passion2013 was being shown on livetsream on the Internet. I got excited because I've always wanted to go. So I sat down and clicked on session one. Little did I know that in that moment my whole world was about to change. Louie Giglio was the speaker after some awesome worship. As he started I knew it was going to impact me. By the end of it I was crying. Then the music started back up and the words he was praying, I was praying as well.

Arms lifted high.

Tears running down my face.

I continued to watch each session each day and each one spoke to me in a different way. I realized that I was trying to do this on my own and only with Gods help when I wanted it or it was convenient to me. When it didn't conflict with my personal life. I was busy, I thought, and don't have time to deal with anymore mess ups. I'm not getting any younger.

That first night I realized that without God as my first priority I was messing up. My year had started off bad because I didn't incorporate God into the main portion of my plans. I was distraught because school was not working out this semester and it was going to put me behind on my schedule to get my degree. I was mad and tired of being broke and having to wait to start my new job.

It was all starting to pile up. All the stress wearing on me.

But that night as I cried, I let go of it all. The weight had been lifted. I heard Him clearly.

I am enough.

There is so much more I have for you to do then this.

I became at peace about school. I became at peace at the constant struggle of trying to find my perfect spot in the medical field. The place I could make a difference and make a lot of money at the same time. It's a beautiful profession. But I saw that God had more for me then what I thought I wanted. That I am not enough!

I love kids. I love serving people. I love mission trips. And I have a lot of areas that are way out of my comfort zone. So we shall see where God takes me now. In whatever it is, I will be happy as long as with everything I do He gets all the glory.

" The Lord will fight for you and you need only to be still"  Exodus 14:14

Waiting

*Ever wonder why it feels like God isn't listening*

    
     2012 was not my best year. I learned a lot and a lot the hard way! One thing is I have finally stopped waiting on God to answer my every request and realized that He actually was waiting on me. Waiting on me to fully give my problems to Him. Waiting on me to fully trust Him with my whole heart!
    
     We ask and demand but still hold on to these burdens for whatever reasons. Mine was I, sadly, believed He could do whatever with my life but always had a back up plan in case He didn't. Which translates that I wasn't truly trusting and unloading my burdens! I would ask, in my eyes, genuinely for help but immediately after that i'd map out a plan on how I was going to fix it. We can't fix anything without God!
    
     I still struggle with this but I just want to say that it is such freedom to truly hand it over to Him! All these problems seem so small now bc my God is so much bigger! We are His children and He wants to help us with whatever it is we need!


We just have to let Him.


He is waiting on us!


"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13